Approval Addiction = Lack of Boundaries

Approval Addiction is rampant these days. Many people try endlessly to please other people at the expense of themselves and their families.

I recently found myself in an approval trap with my husband. He's very much a late night owl and I'm and early bird. If we both were living our perfect schedules, he'd just be turning in when I am waking up. Needless to say I've done a great deal of compromising my schedule since our marriage in order to spend time with him when he gets home late at night from work.

The problem is, we've been eating too late at night, I am staying up way too late, waking up too late, grumpy and cranky all day because my body's schedule is out of whack. And my productivity during the day, has been challenged to put it mildly.
And all for approval addiction. After months of trying to adjust to a late night schedule I realized that my efforts were actually backfiring on me - not helping our relationship out at all, and not helping my personal or professional life.

After reading a book by Dr. Townsend & Dr. Henry Cloud "Boundaries in Marriage" I decided to
set some boundaries myself. So I told Pat he was welcome to stay late at the office (lots of time by choice - customers have already gone home and he stays to do paperwork) but that staying up late didn't work for me anymore and that I would be going to bed by 10:30pm whether he was home or not.

There would be food in the fridge he could heat up if he was hungry when he got home, and he was still welcome to stay up late and watch videos or the news. However, I would be going to bed early and getting up early and would spend time with him should he choose to take his days off (he often goes to the office on his days off.)

Mysteriously - he started coming home before 10:30pm sometimes as early as 8:00 or 9:00pm in order to wind down before going to bed himself. As it turns out, we're both going to bed earlier, we're both getting more sleep, our productivity has improved during the day and neither of us is as cranky or irritable as we used to be.

If you've altered your behavior to cater to someone else in order to gain their approval - it may be time for you to set some boundaries.

- Angela Brown

Beyond Valentine's Day

Simple Solutions for Long Term Relationship Wellness

February is Relationship Wellness Month.

Of course, it is Valentine's Day on February 14. Each year at this time, the media fills your TV with commercials, websites and search engines, and newspapers and mailboxes with advertisements reminding you to buy something special for your honey on Valentine's Day. But what about all the other days when there are no reminders, and we forget to do something nice - or even worse, to be nice to that someone special?

Here are some easy simple solutions to long-term relationships that will keep that flicker of love going far beyond the Valentine’s Day gift:

• Be Happy All By Yourself First. If you are intrinsically happy when you are alone, when someone else enters your personal space, your happiness will radiate from you to them, and like a mirror, it will reflect back to you.

• Don't Play The "If Only" Game. “If only” I were twenty pounds lighter, then I would be happy… “if only” I had a husband/wife that would be home more often, then I would be happy. "If only" never comes, or rather it comes, you get the thing you wanted, and instead of being happy, you change the "if only" to something else. Just be satisfied with what you have, what you weight, what you look like, the clothes you own, where you live, what you drive and who you're with.

• Look For The Good In Your Partner. You will find good if you are looking for good and you will find bad if you look for the bad. Make a conscious choice to see the good in your partner and focus on what is right in your relationship. The more good you see, the happier you will be.